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Cats Protest Forthcoming Release of

"For Dog Lovers Only"

     Cats throughout the United States threatened to voice vehement protests against Jonathan Hoffman's forthcoming CD, "For Dog Lovers Only," scheduled for release later this year.  Several feline followers characterized the CD as "cat-ist" and "demeaning to cats."  Another complained that the CD fails to warn potential purchasers of the sentiments expressed in the songs, and that America's children were therefore at risk of being unduly influenced to form negative prejudices about cats.

     Several of the most outspoken cat people threatened to turn their cats loose to spray the walls of record stores that carry the controversial CD.  Hundreds of cat owners announced plans to march through the downtown area of Hoffman's home town of Portland, Oregon, with their cats, as a symbolic protest.  However, plans for the march were cancelled at the last minute when protest organizers were unable to persuade their cats to accompany them in their cars to go to the march.

     Hoffman appears to be in denial about the out-purring of outrage over his CD.  "I like cats," he reportedly said. 

     But what about the insensitive lyrics?  "All of the songs are written from the point of view of dogs," Hoffman acknowledged.  "It's true that in a couple of the songs, dogs make somewhat negative comments about cats, but, hey, that's the real world.  In one of the songs ("K-9 Christmas"), the dog actually wishes the cat a Merry Christmas. 

     Hoffman acknowledged the concern that children might be unduly influenced by the lyrics.  "I don't think there's anything terrible about the lyrics," he said, "but in an overabundance of caution, we plan to include a 'Cat Advisory Label' on the CD cover so that people are given fair warning."

     But what about the fact that the ENTIRE CD is about dogs, and fails to give equal time to cats?  Hoffman adamantly refused to budge.  "I don't remember any Broadway musicals entitled, 'Dogs,' " he replied,  "and no one is demanding that Halle Berry ought to be 'Dogwoman,' either."


prepare to march in protest


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